The Secret Fertility Race: I Don’t Want You to Struggle, But Please Don’t Lap Me

Let’s just say it: infertility can make you feel like a terrible person—the kind of person who hears someone else is trying to conceive and thinks, “Oh, please no, not before me.” You don’t really want them to struggle, but deep down, there’s a little devil whispering, “Can we just… not have another pregnancy announcement right now?”

And suddenly, you’re in a Secret Fertility Race you never signed up for. A race where you’re mentally checking friends’ stomachs at brunch, side-eyeing their posts about “just seeing what happens,” and hoping—praying—that they don’t lap you on this broken, unpaved track of trying to have a baby.

But here’s the thing:

• You don’t want to feel this way.
• You do want them to be happy.
• And yet… those infertility thoughts just take over sometimes.

The Secret Fertility Race: Unspoken but Real

Infertility makes you hyper-aware of everyone else’s timeline. Suddenly, it feels like you’re surrounded by contestants:

• Friend #1: “We’re not trying-trying—just seeing what happens.” Translation: They’ll get pregnant in 3 seconds flat.
• Friend #2: “We just started trying this month!” And you’re sitting there thinking, Great, welcome to the race I’ve been running for 18 freaking months.
• Friend #3: The one who “wasn’t even trying” and somehow ended up pregnant. You love her, but in that moment, you’re convinced she must be a fertility witch.

And then, you become the evil villain in your own head. You don’t want to root against anyone, but you find yourself whispering, “Can I just win this one thing, for once? Can it be my turn?”

It’s not that you want anyone else to suffer—you just don’t want to be left behind.

The Pregnancy Announcement Panic

Pregnancy announcements are like emotional landmines.

• The sonogram pic with little booties? BOOM.
• The “We’re expecting!” Facebook post? BOOM.
• The perfectly staged Instagram photo with a onesie and the caption, “And then there were three...”? BOOM-BOOM-BOOM.

You feel a ping of jealousy followed by immediate guilt.

• “What kind of monster am I? Of course I’m happy for them!”
• But then you’re crying in the shower because their announcement reminds you of everything you want but don’t have—yet.

Why Does Infertility Make Us Feel This Way?

Because infertility is lonely and brutal. It feels like you’re constantly losing at something that’s supposed to come naturally. And when someone else “wins,” even if it’s someone you adore, it stings—bad.

It’s like you’re climbing a mountain with no gear, and someone else just hops onto a gondola and sails to the top. You’re happy for them, sure—but you also want to scream, “HOW DID YOU DO THAT?!”

“But I Don’t Want to Be This Person!”

Here’s the thing: You’re not evil. You’re human.

• Infertility messes with your head.
• It turns the people you love into unintentional competitors.
• It makes you feel guilty for feelings you can’t control.

But those feelings don’t make you a bad person—they make you a person going through something really, really hard.

How to Manage the Secret Race Without Losing Your Mind

Own the Feelings: The jealousy, the guilt, the anger—it’s okay to feel it. Don’t shove it down. Acknowledge it, give it a name, and let yourself work through it. “Hi, Jealousy. I see you, but you don’t get to stay for dinner.”

Remember It’s Not a Competition: Fertility isn’t a race, and someone else’s success doesn’t mean you’ve failed. Their story is theirs—yours is still unfolding.

Take a Break From Triggers: If social media is a war zone of pregnancy announcements, take a step back. Mute, unfollow, or avoid for a bit. Protect your peace.

Focus on Your Journey: Your path might be slower or messier, but it’s still valid. Take a breath and remind yourself: I’m doing the best I can.

Find Your Safe Space: Talk to someone who gets it—whether it’s a friend, a therapist, or an online support group. Saying these feelings out loud takes away their power.

You’re Not Evil, You’re Just Tired

Infertility can twist your brain into a dark, jealous pretzel, but it doesn’t define who you are. You’re not evil for feeling conflicted when someone else gets pregnant. You’re not a bad friend, sister, or human. You’re just someone who wants something so deeply that it hurts to see others have it first.

And you know what? It’s okay. Those feelings don’t make you selfish—they make you real.

Be gentle with yourself. Let the feelings come, let them go, and know this: You’re not alone in this secret, messed-up race. You’ll get there, too—on your timeline, in your own way.

And when you do, you’ll look back and see that the journey didn’t make you evil—it made you stronger than you ever thought possible.

You’re not alone, and you’re not evil. You’re just a warrior on one hell of a path.

 

A Soundtrack for Your Journey

Sometimes, the feelings are too big for words. That’s why we created music and audio for infertility support—because, let’s be real, this journey deserves its own soundtrack. Whether you’re sobbing in the shower, screaming into your pillow, or just needing to feel understood, our music was made for moments like this.

• Need a cry? We’ve got songs for that.
• Need to release your frustration? There’s a track for that too.
• Need something soothing to help you find hope again? That’s in there.

Because infertility isn’t just about the treatments or the waiting—it’s about navigating every emotion along the way. Music is there for the days you can’t talk about it, when you just need to feel seen.